Natella

Self-direction defeats paranoia

They took my man and they want me too. I knew somebody would notice but I never thought it would go down like this. They know everything. He never should have taken that watch. I was downtown yesterday and a man asked me if I knew where he could buy a watch. He's one of them. His hair was short, like a cop or military guy. They took James when he was working at the jewelry store. I told that guy to search on his phone. I wasn't about to tell him to go where James worked. That was an easy one though. After they got James, I stayed in a hostel for a few days with the money I had but it was too intense. There was a woman in the bunk next to mine and she knew everything I had looked up online. She asked me how to get a bus south, she asked me what I thought of the restaurant where I used to work. I hadn't told her anything but she knew me. They're everywhere. I'm at a different place now. It's just me. I think it's safe enough even though it doesn't have solid walls. I've given up my phone so they can't find me. I took everything out of my bank account a few days ago. There's nothing except the cameras to trace me. I've got enough money to eat for about a month but I'm making a little from nice people who like my voice. I've always sung since I was a little girl. I love Whitney Houston. It's the only thing I've had that's stable. I can always count on her words to put me in a good place. I ask people passing on the street who their favorite singer is. They always tell me Whitney Houston. Is she really everybody's favorite? I've been practicing I will Always Love You for years and it makes people smile every time. Never have I written my own song though. I sometimes go down on the bus to Santa Monica and Wilshire, in front of the Beverly Hilton where Whitney died and I sing and I think about her as a little girl singing gospel in the Baptist Church. Lately, I've been singing my own version of Whitney's song. I don't even know if people notice the difference since the chorus is the same.

If you came back I would always be your baby So I keep on, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way Amazing memories That is all I'm taking with me It's not goodbye, I won't cry We both knew it was a risky decision I hope jail isn't so bad And I hope you stay strong And I'm wishing you peace and tranquility But above all this, I send you love

But today, I saw James. He didn't see me. He was working at a different store. It wasn't the police that got him. He just left me. So now I'm back singing Whitney's song as she sang it.

If I should stay I would only be in your way So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way Bittersweet memories That is all I'm taking with me So goodbye, please don't cry We both know I'm not what you, you need I hope life treats you kind And I hope you have all you've dreamed of And I'm wishing you joy and happiness But above all this, I wish you love