Detach 5.2

I've got to get out of here. My apartment is too expensive. I know it's not thirty days notice but I can't give them another month's rent. There's just a few days left this month. I'll put everything I can in my car and sleep in it too. This will be fine. I'll send an email to the landlord and just not respond to anything they ask further. --- I put the seed in a little plastic cup. It's been a week and a little sprout is coming up. Each ray of sunshine feeds him a little more. The car's glass windows are like a greenhouse keeping him warm and humid. He's gonna make it. --- "What are you looking at?!" "You're a little bitch!" "Get the fuck out of here!" "I'm gonna whoop your ass!" This man is outside on the sidewalk every morning. There's nobody else around. He doesn't seem to notice I'm inside my car. He repeats these terrible things for at least a half hour. I think he's stuck reliving a traumatic episode. It's like he's practicing his tough guy voice. I don't think he's going to do anything but I should really find a new place to park. The coffee shop on the corner opens early though and it's really nice to have a place to use the bathroom. --- My mom called today. She asked if I wanted to come over for dinner. I told her I was busy getting ready for an interview. That satisfied her. I don't know how long I can keep this up though. She's gonna find out. --- Last night was bad. Somebody broke the driver's side window. There's glass everywhere. They took my computer, a bunch of my clothes, some of my papers and personal items, stuff from when I was a kid. I picked up what I could off the sidewalk. My plant was there on the ground tipped over. I put all the soil back in the cup. I think he will survive. I don't like this. I don't know what to do. I need to eat. I'm hungry but nothing sounds good and I don't want to spend any money. --- I can't sleep in here without a window. The wind comes in all night. My car is just a mess inside now. I don't know what to do and I'm running out of money. I can't stay in this city. It's not safe on the streets. I need money. I'm going to try to sell my car. It won't be worth much with the broken window but it still runs fine. It's worth something. --- The used car lot laughed at me when I pulled up. The salesman gave me directions for how to get to a mechanic who buys cars that need work. I know I got scammed but what else am I going to do? I can't fix it myself. The $2000 will last for a while if I am careful and spend it only on food. I'll head north on my bicycle. Sal can get sun in the front basket. That's what I named him. It will be better for both of us. --- The wind on my face feels good now. The air is fresher. There's no crazy man waking me up when the sun rises, just the light coming through my eyelids. People in the small towns I've gone through wave and smile when they see Sal riding in the basket. I sleep next to big trees and babbling creeks. Everything is great. --- "Leave her alone!" "Who are you?!" "I'm a man who's going to cause you a lot of pain if you don't leave right now." He stares down the attacker who stands up and looks back at him. Seeing the wrench in his hand, he quickly decides he'd better listen. Now I ask, "Who are you?" "My name's Polyidus but you can call me Poly. You'd better watch out camping alone." "This is the first time something like that has happened." "Did he hurt you?" "No, I just got a scrape when I jumped out of his way." "Do you need anything? Would you like to join me at my camp over there?" "That sounds nice." --- We get to his camp and he gives me some food and water. He's so relaxed and his voice is so smooth. "Self-awareness is a discipline with few human teachers. Most people only learn it when they recognize failures. Those who have overcome addictions, poor posture, and even simpler things like pounding their feet while walking display a dignity that only others with such awareness can adequately compliment. Most only offer vague platitudes about being attractive." Trying to keep him going, I ask, "So you've failed?" "I fail at everything. I've accepted it by now. It's quite a lifestyle. I don't even have to plan it out anymore. Boom! Another project down the drain." I giggle, "I guess it's good if you're not worried about it." "There's not that much difference between success and failure. The biggest difference comes between trying and not trying. Those that are too afraid to take chances never learn. Have you ever taken a chance?" "I quit my job without any hope or desire to get another one." "And how's that been going?" "I had to give up my apartment, sell my car, and now I'm living out of what I carry on my bicycle. So... great." "It seems you've found your path." "You make it sound so easy." "Did any of those actions require a lot of thought?" "No, but I'm not really sure where to go from here." "Then you really have found it. The best tomorrow is one you can't even imagine today."